Tony Hawk! Are You Listening????

as a kid (ha! "as a kid".... makes me sound like i'm 60 nw!) when i was in the 5th grade, i'd always wished i could go skateboarding.... i used to love the sport a lot.... but my parents hated it, because it was too "extreme"!!!! (my parents used to think everything i wanted to do was extreme!! mountain climbing, bike riding (the mountain bike.... and not the motorbike!!!.... i still don't know how to ride a motorbike!!!.... lol!), rock climbing, playing with sri lankan kids... everything extreme.... only cricket and basketball were approved).... after months of persuasion, my parents finally obliged to get me a skateboard.... that was one of the happiest days of my life!!!... my biggest dream (at that time) was finally going to get fulfilled!!... but then.... the next day (the day whose evening we were planning to get my board), my pretty close friend at that time comes to my place with a cast around his arm.... the reason fer his cast- he'd fallen from his skateboard!!!... (don't ask me who dis friend was!!!.... i don't want to mention his name... the only clue i can give you (if you're from ism, that is) is that he had unusually crooked legs and used to play football)..... ah! perfect timing! there couldn't be a better time for this guy to break his godamn hand!!!.... and that day..... my dad decided that the word 'skateboard' should be a forbidden word in the household.... and so it was!!!.... and now.... ten years later.... the burning desire in me to go skateboarding has once again come alive.... only problem is i'm wondering whether it's too late.................................................

My Very Special Roomie

few months back, my two roomies had to move out of the place we were staying in.... so i was left to search fer a new roomie... since i didn't have any friends who wanted to move in, i had to wait for my landlord to bring another tenant to share my place....
finally, few days later, he did bring one...
the guy was particularly fair... or white rather.... pale white.... so white that i could count all the blood vessels in his body (although i didn't want to do that! just wanted to give you an idea of how fair he was)... after bringing him, the landlord took me outside the building and whispered into my ears "he's a jumpie!!.... be veeeeery carefullllllll!!!!"....
i wondered what a jumpie was... now, this guy being a tamil, his accent was terrible... and so i knew he would have meant something else, but couldn't think of anything that sounded like 'jumpie'... anyways, i went in to meet my new roomie.... he was sitting in a corner in his room and was staring at the wall... when i opened his door, he gave a sudden start.... the way he looked at me gave me the creeps.... his eyes were bloodshot and droopy.... and he kept twitching his nose as if trying to smell something.... i decided to ignore all that, and i walked over to him, extended my hand and gave him a typical tamil intro....
"myself randeep saar! student.... sathyabama callege (tamils pronounce "college" with an 'a' instead of the 'o').... you happy here???... very nice area saar... food no problem.... very nice dosa place five minute walk saar...." there was no response... but i did manage to hear a faint grunt.... 'what a weirdo', i thought to myself and went to my room.... the whole day, there was not a single sound from the guy's room.... at night, i heard a loud noise that made me think he'd tripped and fallen.... i ran to his room.... the window in his room was open.... he'd jumped out of the window!!!!..... 'oh my gawd!!!... this guy is a daim weird ass!!'.... there was an entire door through which he could walk any time he wanted, and here he was, jumping out of the window!!!.... jumping.... jumping.... JUMPING!!!!.... the word stuck to my mind.... so this was why the landlord called him a jumpie!!!!.... he jumped out of windows, so he's a jumpie!!... why didn't it occur to me earlier?!!!... maybe it's because i'd never heard of the word before!!... i turned to go to my room... but there was something strange.... the room felt terribly hot.... 'oh my god!!!!' the idiot had painted the walls black!!!!... now this guy was getting scary more than strange!!!... i ran to my room and somehow put myself off to sleep.... the next day, before going to college, i checked on the guy whether he'd returned... he was there.... still staring at the wall... i didn't say anything... i left for college....

the day was tiring.... when i got back home, the guy was still there.... i was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable.... i changed and went over to his room... i was determined to acquaint with this guy.... the door to his room creaked open.... "hey you wanna go for a walk???", i asked him.... still, there was only the faint grunt.... there was a strong stench in his room... something like raw flesh.... i thought he was going to cook..... i went over to my friends' place.... i returned a bit late.... when i got back, he wasn't there.... and again, he'd used the window.... i switched on the light.... i decided to take a look around his room.... there was nothing particularly worth mentioning... but then, something caught my eye.... there was a huge clump of bones in a corner of the room..... i had to cover my mouth to stop myself from screaming!!! now i was determined to find out what this guy was up to.... i went to my room and unwound my webcam.... i connected the cam to my comp and put it in record mode.... i mounted the cam in a spot in his room where he wouldn't notice it.....

in the morning, i checked my comp to see whether i'd got anything interesting.... the guy had not yet returned.... i left for college....

when i returned, the first thing i did was run to my comp and check whether i'd got anything interesting.... what my cam had recorded was no where near interesting!!!!.... it was horrific!!!!.... i could see my roomie jumping in through the window.... but along with him he dragged a body.... a human body.... the head had been severed from the body.... there was blood all over my roomie's body.... then he chopped the body into small pieces.... and then he began cooking them.... this was too much fer me to take.... i almost fainted when i heard tapping on my door.... it wasn't even a knock.... just a constant faint tapping.... i turned off the monitor and opened the door.... my roomie was there.... he held out a plate... on the plate was some cooked meat.... smelt good.... "for you", the man grunted.... i took the plate.... and he walked away... "thanks sir!!!", i shouted behind him..... he didn't even turn around.... i closed the door and sat on my bed.... suddenly something struck me!!!!.... jumpie!!!!.... my landlord wasn't saying 'jumpie'!!!!!.... he'd meant ZOMBIE!!!!!.....

i suddenly had great respect for my roomie.... i took out a fork, and put a small piece of the meat in my mouth...... hmmmmmmmm...... human flesh tasted goooooooood after all!!!!!!!........

Rain Rain Go Away...

bah.... rainy days.... i hate them.... everything's so quite.....
there's no one on the streets.... it's only water water everywhere.....
rainy days are the days i open up my mind and start thinking about things that upset me....
that's why i hate them the most.....
gah.... i just hate these days.... i just wanna get ouda here......

Now That's Whack!!!!....

there was this one guy in my class in the 7th grade who was a total whacko....
he'd do the weirdest things that'd even put a psycho to shame!!!...
once during math class, this guy picks up a brand new tube of whitener and meddles with it for a long time and finally manages to break it open..... the white fluid covers up his entire two arms....
seeing what this guy was up to, our math sir makes him stand up and asks him "have you lost your marbles???".... to which the guy replies "no sir!!!!.... i din bring any marbles to school!!!!"......

if you din't understand the joke, go kill yourself!!!!.... and this is a true incident by the way!!!!.....

World Cup!!!!.... Pizza Anyone????

this was way back in my 7th grade when the cricket world cup '99 was on....
Pizza Hut had come up with a brainwave (like duh!).....
to keep up with the festive season, they introduced a special hotline number on which people could call them up and get the live score, who's batting, bowling blah blah... what i don't understand is why they did that!!!!.... especially in a country so full of indians!!!!.... (yeah... muscat is pretty crowded with indians!!!!).....
being the typical indian type when it comes to pranks, i made maximum use of the number.... even though the match was playing in front of me on my television!!!!... i kept calling them up after every one or two overs.... so it'd go like this...
Pizza Hut Employee: good evening sir!!! how may i help u???
me: hi!!... may i know the score???
PHE: it's 235 for 2 sir.... sachin tendulkar is on strike....
me: oh... hey a run's been scored!!!... it's 236 now!!!!....
PHE: that's right!!!... thanks for calling!!!!.... have a great day!!!...

this would go on till the end of the match... and i bet there were many more indians who'd done that!!!.... what's the point in keeping such hotlines, when every household owns atleast one television??!!!!!.... or did the Pizza Hut guys think that when people called up Pizza Hut to enquire about the score, they'd get reminded about pizzas and automatically ask fer some??!!!!....
whatever it is, i din't hear about the offer during the next world cup.... or maybe i realised i was too old for that kind of stupid prank this time round.... i don't exactly remember....

Bookies' Day Out....

this was once when i happened to take my sis with me book shopping....
now, she's not a really avid reader, even though she's far more intelligent than me.... (gah.... women can be so strange... it has been proved to me by the dumbest of dumb women that they can be shrewd and cunning!!)...
but seeing me pick up couple of books, she also decides to pick one up....
after searching real hard, she finally found "the perfect book"....
only few days later, when she started reading the book did she realise that she'd picked the very very very wrong book!!!!.....
thinking it was some book related to food, she'd picked up "Chicken Soup for the Soul"..... the book was about spirituality and how we can get closer to God or some shitcrap like that!!!....
ha! she'd just proved the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" in the literal sense!!!....

RJR!!!!!!

Rotten Juvenile Retardo was how a very interestin friend of mine happened to expand RJR.... hmmmm.......

C4

C-4 Vignesh Apartments
South Mada Street
Thiruvanmiyur
Chennai

a very familiar address!!!.... my home away from home....
even though i wasn't an official tenant of C4, i've spent 75% of my time at this place....
a place where many "great" people have come, stayed and gone...
Venky, Shankar, Anuj, Sriram, Shyam, Amitabh, Pulsar, Tilak, Nagarajan, Nikhil, Sudhan.... jeez!!!... i don't even have count of the number of people who've stayed here!!!....
Venky (now infamous for the Pissgate incident), the guy whom, when i first met, i thought was a wee bit unfriendly.... little did i realise that he'd go on to become my mentor and role model (ha!)...
Shankar, my pal with very serious attention disorder when it comes to one-on-one conversations....
Anuj, a champion faker, can't be bothered much....
Sriram, my FIFA pal.... even if i thrash this guy 8-0, he'll still maintain that he's champ!!!....
about the others, hmmmmm.... guess i'll describe them some other time....
it was fun hanging out with you guys....
you guys made college life a little more fun!!!!!.....

catchy tees

the indian woman's dressing sense.... truly something that needs looking into!! (no pun intended)....
the tees that they wear these days!!!... they can hardly breathe in them!!... almost gives you the feeling that the poor woman couldn't afford the next size!!!...
and if that weren't enough, it's the prints on the shirts that need the standing ovation... these prints simply scream "i'm a wannabe!!!".... some of the 'catchy lines' include "i'm hot n single", "i'm cool n hav an attitude", blah blah....
and if this didn't look raunchy enough, it's the strategical positioning of these phrases... (i'd rather not go into the details about the positioning!)... n more often than not... the writings are of such minute sizes, that you hafta screw your eyes to try and read what's written.... and when you do that in a public place, you end up looking miles away from decent!!!... and then you have to face all the scorns and stares from all the people around you... and then the female (wearing the shirt) gives you a stare equivalent to 'u cheeky !@$$%#^!@$@^! for the past 4mins you've been staring at my shirt!!!.... i'm gonna take you to court for this!'.....
now whose to blame for all this????????

The Walk That Went Wrong

ha! i was debating with myself whether i should name this post "the walk that went TERRIBLY wrong"!!!!!..... anyways i decided that then the title would be too long, and you people'd fall asleep before you even start reading the post!!!... k... enough for the intro!!!....
this was way back in third year.... when i was staying in thiruvanmiyur in chennai.... in the house whose landlord had committed suicide..... it was holiday time.... since my roomies had gone home, i was alone in the house.... (with the owner too.... i said i was alone, 'cos firstly, i don't count that guy as a human being... of course he's not a human being now... he's dead!!!!.... but even before he died, i'd never counted him as one!!!... and the second reason is 'cos i didn't want to say i was alone with the owner 'cos then, you weird people'd start using your weird brains and start coming up with weird ideas... maybe something on the homosexual side!!!... :p).... anyways.... the basic idea is that i was alone at that time and i called my friend ajo over for company.... (the good thing about ajo is that, after me, he's the second most jobless guy around!).... and whenever i meet this guy, superchargers are always present.... and that night too there was supercharging.... now, my house at that time was just in front of the beach... so all you had to do was get out of my building, walk around it to the back.... (oh and don't forget to watch out for the birds above you on the trees!!!!.... they're beautiful to look at... and even more beautiful when they shit on your head!!!.... VG'd got bird shit on her frankie once.... and she accidentally took a bite of it too!!!!..... belch!!!....)... yeah you walk to the back and bingo! you're at the beach!!!!.... so late night, after getting "whizzed", we decided it was time to hit the beach.... (now before you read on.... a word of caution.... i'm terrible with directions.... when i shift houses, i usually take more than a week to figure out the directions to my house....)..... the beach was cool... nice breeze.... it was around half past three by then.... suddenly the bulb above my head brightens and i come up with a brilliant idea.... i suggested we should go to the malbari tea shop and have a lime juice!!!.... now the malbari tea shop is right next to my friend's place, which is a 10min walk away if you take the main road.... my second brilliant suggestion was that we should walk along the beach.... and so it was.... we started walking.... we walked.... and we walked.... and we kept walking.... we saw a lot of things on our way.... fishermen pulling their boats in.... guys shitting on the beach and washing their derriers in the water (in which, the next day, people happily go and wet their feet!!!!....).... we tried to look around for turtles but didn't find any.... we kept walking.... the last thing we saw was a Barista cafe.... now... i didn't remember any Barista cafes in thiruvanmiyur!!!!..... i tried to think harder.... and then i saw the familiar long stretch of the parking lot.... and then!!!!.... then it struck me!!!!.... we'd reached Besant Nagar!!!!.... i looked at my watch... we'd been walking fer the past one n a half hr!!!!.... all i said to ajo was "dude i think we passed the juice shop... and now i think we're in Besant Nagar".... and all he could afford to say was "WHAT THA !@#$????!!!!!!"..... since it was early in the morning, there was no transport on the road yet.... we had no choice but to walk back all the way back to my house!!!!.... i don't even remember whether i woke up the next day!!!!!....

Piece Of Advice..... (From The Master Himself!!!!)

if your life is totally screwed up and you feel like getting a gun and killing yourself..... and then you suddenly see a light at the end of the tunnel.... don't start jumping with joy yet!!!....
look carefully.... that light is just an illusion!!!!.... even after looking closely, if you're confident that the light still exists, then ma friend (as Abraham used to say!), that light, is a light to the entrance of the next tunnel....
so instead of wasting your time, why don't you go gun shopping instead?????????........

End Of Days......

it's 1999..... the much hyped about 'end of the millennium' was finally here!!!....
everyone's talking about the end of the world.... how weird!!!....
is the world just gonna melt down???.... or blow up or something???.... how stupid can these people get???....
if in case the Guy above actually decided to blow up the earth, then at which time zone's midnight would he choose to do it???.... hmmmm.... perhaps America's!!!!.... or maybe Dubai!!!!.... people think the universe goes around these two places!!!!....
i start the engine of my car and start driving towards the amphitheatre where my show was due in a few hours...
at 42, i'd not done much in life, of which i could really be proud.... a business that managed to barely last for a meagre three years, a consequent failed marriage.... i'd lost a lot in life.... all i have now with me were my three good friends from college days... they're also more or less in the same life situation as mine....
three years back, we managed to form a rock band... we did pretty well in the beginning... preforming at local gigs, we even managed to release an album.... but then, all that didn't last for long.... after all, in this age of discos and punk rock, who'd even bother to listen to a bunch of oldies doing something so not their age!!!....
as these thoughts ran through my mind, i finally reached the arena... the show was to start in two hours, at two hours to midnight....
since we were putting up a free show, the turnout was good... the arena was almost full....
Sid, Mike and Pete were already there....
at sharp 10, we started the show... it went pretty well....
at 5mins to midnite, we started playing our fav number....
by the last minute, the countdown for the new millennium began...
5.... 4.... 3.... 2.... and then.... something real strange happened... people started collapsing one by one....
the numbers were increasing rapidly.... i looked at my friends.... even they're down.... it's almost like as if a poisonous gas had engulfed the entire area... my arms were getting numb.... my brain's freezing.... i couldn't move... even i dropped to the ground....
no wait a minute.... i wasn't dropping like the others.... i still have energy in me.... i ran over to check on my friends.... no pulse... all of them dead.... i couldn't stand the horror..... i ran to my car and started fer home.... as i drove through the streets, i noticed more and more dead bodies....
there's not a single living soul on the streets... there's no one left alive except for me!!!!..
'Why me Lord????.... take me too!!!.... i wanna friggin' die!!!!'.....
i ran home and switched on the television.... all blank.... there's no sign of life anywhere.... my head started spinning.... i ran to my room and took a shot of cocaine... i started sweating heavily....
i walked over to my gun cabinet and took out my gun.... BANG!!!.... i blew a bullet into my brains....
finally!!!!.... i collapsed onto the floor.... i lay there with my eyes open... i lay for sometime....
i could still see around my room.... how long was i gonna take to die????....
i put my hand to my head where i'd shot myself.... unbelievable!!!!.... my head was intact and there was not a sign of even a small drop of blood.... i picked up the gun and shot myself again.... twice at the chest and once at my stomach.... the result was still the same.... there was not even a sign of a single bullet wound.... i threw the gun in despair....
i didn't know what to do.... i was not only the last person on the earth, i was also immortal!!!!....
i knelt down, put my hands to my face and wept like a cannibal................

Blank....

i've got this supernatural ability that i've kept secret from everyone....
i have this ability to go blank.... it's not an ability that's under my control....
my brain sometimes just decides it needs to sleep... and booom!!... it switches off....
i've no control whatsoever over this....
it has happened when people talk to me.... it has happened when i'm at an examination.... it can just happen at anytime....
sometimes people talk to me and i look as attentive as attentive can be.... with all the serious expression and stuff on my face.... but at the end of it all, i wont be able to recollect a word the person said!!!....
there have been exams for which i'd prepared so well that my confidence crosses alarming levels... but the instant the question paper arrives, my brain doesn't even know whether it's dead or alive!!!.... i wont even be able to recollect the names of the chapters in the subject!!!!....
no.... i'm not having some extraordinary attention disorder or something.... everybody gets distracted once in a while.... even i do...
but in this case, i'm totally blank.... if i close my eyes at that time, i see white space....

bah.... how i wish i hadn't prayed for a supernatural ability when i was a kid.... can't blame me though!!!... i'd never expected that 'going blank' was also classified under supernatural abilities!!!!....

Wanna Go Back....

i really wish i could go back in time....
there're so many things that i've done, which i now feel i shouldn't have done....
there're so many people i've met, whom i keep wishing i'd never met....
life would have been so perfect if we could go back and erase parts that we don't like...
hmmm... perhaps if everyone had that power, we would really have a tough time!!!!!...
like for instance, you meet some guy today, and then a month later, or worse still, a year later the person calls you up and says that he's gonna delete you from his record.... now if you were really involved with the person, there'd be quite a lot to delete on your side....
there're times when in between two individuals, one person gets attached to the other person more than how much the other person is in return.... in that case, things get really screwed...
then you end up thinking and acting like a maniac.... you have no idea what you wanna do or where your life is headed.... all u want to do is maybe just hate everyone.... you gain pleasure from solitude.... there're no emotions within you.... you become somewhat like a dead guy.... a vegetable.... the world revolves around you.... you see people speaking... but your ear hears only noise.... you start wishing you were lost on an island.... an island with no one except for you.... your head starts spinning.... suddenly you find yourself stuck in a whirlpool.... your entire body starts spinning.... your head starts splitting.... you start vomiting blood.... there's blood all over you.... you feel like as if your gonna die.... but the Creator keeps playing games with you.... he doesn't let you die... but he lets you see hell.... you suddenly wish you could kill yourself... the world is just not a place for you.... you just wanna get out of here.... you don't want to go to the Creator as well.... you wish there was a world in between these worlds.... a real world.... unlike this fake world.... this fake universe.... a world filled with hate.... a world where people laugh at you when you're suffering.... a world where understanding each other has become a tedious task.... you keep wandering for a place to hide.... you start running.... you're in an open desert.... you keep walking and walking.... but you find no shade or a place to rest.... but when you tire and fall to your knees, you're suddenly surrounded by people.... people who jeer and mock at you.... you try to go forward and touch one of these people.... but your hand passes through... these people are not real.... they're just an illusion.... this illusion keeps following you wherever you go.... they torment you throughout your life.... you can never get rid of them.... even at death they won't leave you alone.... they wait till you're torn to shreds by the waiting scavengers.... then suddenly amidst all the chaos, you hear a familiar voice.... you turn back and see your friend waiting for you with an extended arm.... you crawl towards your friend.... all you can think about now is how this wonderful friend has come to rescue you, even though all the others disowned you.... this friend becomes your only shimmer of hope.... you keep crawling towards your friend.... as you approach him, you suddenly see wires full of thorns wrapped around his hands.... for a minute you try to figure out what that meant.... but then when you look closer, you find out that what was wrapped around his hand was in fact a garland of flowers and not thorns as you'd imagined.... you curse yourself for doubting your friend, even though it wasn't intentional.... as you inch closer towards your friend, you keep wishing secretly that he wouldn't turn out to be an illusion as the previous people.... you reach your friend.... your friend extends his arm... he lifts you up.... you can feel him.... you feel much stronger.... with his support you can walk again.... having finally found a person you can actually trust, you start rejoicing.... suddenly, as you walk, you start noticing scavengers making their way towards you.... but in the company of your friend, you have a newfound courage.... you feel you can face them.... but then, you look towards your side where your friend had been.... he's suddenly disappeared.... he's nowhere beside you.... you take a look back.... there's your friend.... he's no longer got the calm look on his face.... he reminds you of a hungry wild beast now.... and he's got a dagger raised to a stabbing position.... before you can say anything he brings it down on your chest.... full eight inches inside your chest.... your eyes pop out.... you lie on the ground.... your heart has been punctured.... your body lies limp and cold.... for a last few seconds you lie there looking blankly up at the sky.... the friend whom you'd loved and trusted had just betrayed you.... you wish you'd never known such a cold and calculating person.... a person who likes to nibble you off your back.... as you lie on the ground, you feel your legs getting torn apart.... the pain is unbearable..... but you don't want to look in that direction.... all you want to do now is to just get over with it.... your body becomes frozen.... your brain is numb.... a cold wind blows over you and brings death into your nostrils.............

World's Shortest Breakup Letter

found a new girl and wondering what to tell your old girl???.... here's the easiest and ink-saving letter you can give your old garbage... ahem... your old girl....

"hey... remember how we had just a piece of rubber between us so far????.... now i got a girl between us... and her behind is facing you.... bye... don't keep in touch"....

The Name Is Bravia.... Sony Bravia....

i'm a television...
i was born in japan last year... my name is sony bravia.... i had over a thousand twin sisters and brothers.... and the funny thing is all of them had the same name.... i was 42inches at birth....
it was there that i first fell in love.... a really hot chick.... she was a petite 38inches....
as fate would have it, even her name was sony bravia!!!!... (i wondered if our parents were so unimaginative as to name all the kids the same!!!)
i'd totally fallen for her awesome curves.... we would meet every night after the lights were out and make love.... i was determined to make as many kids as possible and use my common sense and name all of them differently...
but before i could fulfill my desire, i had to breakup with my gurl... i was getting a transfer to some place called Muscat... i wondered what life would be like there...
finally the day came... i gave my girl a hug, bid my final farewell and joined my friends on a ship....
several days and sea-sickness bouts later, i finally landed in Muscat...
Gawd!!!.... the place was so friggin' hot!!!!... i almost felt like as if i were in some manufacturing plant!!!....
and the people who carried me around.... the way they spoke sounded like as if they had something stuck up their throats!!!....
i was feeling homesick... i desperately wanted to get back to Japan... i finally made it to a place called a showroom... oooooooooh.... the place was amazing!!!..... fully air-conditioned...
ah! this was life!!!....
i wondered how my girl was doing back in Japan.... i felt the urge to hook up with a girl....but it was getting really difficult... the place was heavily guarded by surveillance cams.... the last thing i wanted was to see my own sex video on the net!!!...
next day onwards, life got really busy fer me.... all kinds of people came to check me out.... arabs, brits, americans, pakis, indians.....
crazy!!!!....
finally an indian family bought me!!... after the amount of bargaining they did, i felt so cheap and insulted... i felt i could do better if i sold myself on the streets!!!!...
at home, they had another old tv.... it looked somewhat like grandma...
i've never seen grandma before but i've seen her pics... she also used to have a big butt just like this one...
they hung me on a wall in the sitting room.... from there i got a pretty good view of the entire place... for the first few days, everything was good.... the three of them, dad, mom and son used to watch me in the nights...
a week later, the parents had to go out of station for a week... and that's when my adventures began...
on the first day, the son brought something called a playstation and plugged a hell lot of wires into my ass... my ass has bin sore ever since....
the next day, he brought some friends over and they brought couple of DVDs.... i felt really embarrassed when i played them.... they were all x-rated.... i felt really ashamed of myself.... i'd never dun such a thing before and i was bringing a bad name onto our family....
that evening, he brought his girlfriend home and they watched a movie.... one thing led to another, and they started making out in front of me.... i tried to make sum noise to remind them that i was there... but nothing worked....
all this went on for a week till the parents got back.... i was greatly relieved to see them!!!!....
the next day after they got back, there was a terrorist attack in the area....
four gunmen stormed into the house and shot the mom, dad and son....
all three of them lay dead in front of me....
i couldn't believe my eyes....
i was about to burst out in tears when..... WAIT A MINUTE!!!!.... i just realized something!!!!.... all this while in my life, i'd always thought that i was the most jobless guy on earth!!!!.... but then, now i've realized that there are people who are so jobless that they go to the extent of taking time out to sit and read the life story of a stupid television!!!!!!!!...................

The President

height of racial discrimination..... a black President in the White House....
it would have been real funny if this guy gets sick of sitting in a WHITE House and decides he's had enough and changes the name to the Black House!!!!.... haha!!!....
during the election rally, Obama was addressing a house of Indians.... no, not the native Indians.... i'm talking about our very own INDIANS.... and Obama gives this inspirational speech about the "change we need" and all the blah blah (wudeva!.... like as if Bush wern't a big change enough!).... and towards the end this guy says "i'm the brown, skinny guy with a funny last name"...... and the entire crowd raised their hands and said "so are we!!!!".......

First Month Anniversary!!!!!!....

damn!! it's been more than a month since i started this blog!!!!.... and as usual i missed out on the anniversary date!!!....
ha! VG used to think it was very rude of me to keep forgetting on the 17th of every month....
sheeeeesh!!!!..... what is with these anniversaries??? why the heck should we make such a big deal out of them???....
how does it help to know that its been so-n-so number of months since you've started doing something???....
i wonder if people who go to jail celebrate anniversaries!!!....
ha!!... you never know!!.... in my hometown, there's this strange custom wherein relatives of a deceased treat the entire town to lunch on the occasion of the dead guy's death anniversary!!!...
there's this guy frm my college (a senior who joined as a junior... that was how i described him to kameshwari!!!... lol!!!... even she found it funny!!!!... hmmm.... but she always found me funny.... even if i told her something serious, she'd think i was joking!!!!.... oh btw.... kameshwari's my math tuts teacher back in high school!!!...)....
this guy used to (i'm saying 'used to' 'cos i don't know for how long he did it or whether he's still doing it!) keep a count of the number of days it'd been since he'd spoken to his girl who'd dumped him!!!....
now talk about being a sensitive guy!!!.... (VG thought that was terribly sweet of him and would have loved to sympathize with him if it wern't for his loud mouth!)....

yeah.... i guess that's it about anniversaries!!!!.... :P

Isn't BLING BLING Ever Gonna Go Out-of-fashion???

why do all rappers necessarily have to be thugs and ex-convicts????.....
what sense does it make when a guy sings about the number of times he's been to prison???.... or the number of sluts he's got with him???.... or the number of cadillacs he owns???....
why cant there ever be a rapper who's not served a term, has never been with a prostitute, only owns maybe a toyota or a mazda, doesn't beat up his wife and his wife doesn't commit adultery???...
and these gurls on these rappers' music videos.... mannnn.... can gurls get ever more raunchy and desperate????!!!!!....
all the rapper has to say is "bitch/hoe, shake dat ass fer me", and these females are more dan happy to wiggle their booty!!!!.... (if i called my gurl a bitch, she mite whack me across the face!!!!.... (sheeeeesh!!!!.... these indian gurls!!!!...))

at the end of it all, all we can hope for is a new era of 'clean' rappers, before people start realising that what they've been listening to so far was total garbage, and decide to rechristen the genre as CRAP MUSIC!!!!!.....

The Perfect Roomie

another significant change in me after i moved to india is my ever increasing bad luck with my accommodation... i was forced to vacate three out of the four places that i stayed in, in the past 3 and a half yrs!!!!...
the first place being my college hostel... in my first year of college, there was this huge student protest... every day, a building of the student's choice was set on fire!!!... finally when our hostel's turn arrived, and the damage was getting out of control, the 'authorities' decided it was time to kick our asses out of the hostel....
after almost a month of searching, my roomie and me managed to find a crap place to park our asses... after a year's stay at the place, our landlord walks in one fine day and breaks one of our taps (don't even ask how it all happened!!!), screams at me and asked us to get out.... we din't get out!!!... :D.... the next time we went home and got back after a month, our place was totally brought down and there was a new apartment in its place!!!... now we had to move out!!!....
after staying in our next apartment for more than half a year, we had to again move out when our landlord committed suicide!!!!.... gah!!!....
after that, we managed to stay at our next place till we had to move out when we actually had to move out of the city.... although there were signs of us getting thrown out as neighbours complained of supercharger bottles lying on the terrace and my "sister" visiting my place too often!!!....

but my luck with houses wasn't always so bad, considering the fact that my family stayed in the same apartment for 10 whole years in muscat!!!!!.....

DON - Still Being Chased

it was one of those weekends when ajo and me were totally jobless... we're always jobless!!!...
whenever the rest of the gang is not there, all we do is sit at some place, maybe get an ice cream and imagine weird stuff!!!...
this one is particularly worth mentioning...
we imagined ourselves to be the next Dons of Chennai...
we wanted it to be somewhat like a mixture of Don Corleone's attitude and Billa's style.... hmmmm... now that's whack!!!!... we would go around in a black coloured Scorpio (India's most stylish SUV, according to me) with two black Scorpios on either side of our Scorpio...
we would smoke only the best Cuban cigars... there would be loads of Russian girls at our disposal... as we walk on the streets, our sidekicks would carry disc players with loudspeakers and would walk along with us... the disc players would be continuously playing Billa theme music...
and then one day, while walkin on the streets, a sniper from our rival gangster organisation would shoot us down... (k... this wasn't part of the original plan... i jus wanted to give this post a happy ending!!!....)

murder!!!!!

ha!!!!... the closest i've ever got to a murder!!!!..... (i was not involved though!)
a week back a guy got brutally murdered in front of my apartment block...
it was a very calm evening with a cool breeze...
i was standing on the balcony of my sixth floor apartment....
suddenly there was a small fight picking up in the parking lot...
Ah! it was the gangster family from the tenth floor again!!... they were fighting with some gangster friend of theirs...
soon they began beating the shit out of each other.... then my gangster neighbour picked up a beer bottle and whacked his friend's head with it....
CRASHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
the bottle shattered and so did the guy's head!!...
there was blood all over and the guy dropped to the ground ...
DEAD!!!...
all this set my pulse racing... it was my first murder experience!!!....