Defecative Thoughts

• The other day i was at work, sitting at my desk and blankly staring at the blank monitor, waiting for something brilliant to happen... unfortunately, nothing brilliant did happen... and that was when i decided that i had had enough with life... and decided to... download some jokes (and not kill myself! duh!)... just to make me feel better...20 jokes later, i went back to Google and searched for "funny jokes"...

• Ok... i'm taking a wild guess that 90% of you didn't get what i meant there... heh!... kinda reminds me of those Reader's Digest jokes... they have an entire page dedicated just for jokes... and none of them are funny... sometimes it gets real hard to even figure out what they meant!

• This is for drunkards... ever wondered how, when you are absolutely senselessly drunk, you have managed to switch off the light, and then, after fifteen minutes of sleep, you realize that you want to puke... and then... wonders of wonders... you can't find the light's switch... and you can't find your way to the loo in the dark either... and then there are a whole lot of possible consequences... 1. some smart people crawl all over the floor, and finally find their way to the loo... 2. you scramble all over the wall, and finally end up standing against the wall and sleeping off... 3. you quit trying and simply puke in the room itself... all over the walls, floor and the bed...

• After having watched four of his shows, i still can't figure out why people still continue watching the Russell Peters shows... it makes no sense... a third of the audience around the world who watch his videos are (i'm guessing) Indians... and he calls all Indians "Cheeky Stinkin' Bastards"... a third of his live audiences around the world are (again i'm taking a guess) Blacks... and he calls all Blacks "Black Motherf*****s"... duh!

• My close observations have led me to conclude that the most misspelt word in South India (i don't know about North India because i've never been to North India) would have to "Gobi Manchurian"... following are the common variants found here...
• Gobi Manjurien
• Kopi Menchurien
• Gopi Manchoorian
• Kobe Minchorian
• Kobi Manjoorian

• Oh!... i was in Pondicherry recently... and i happened to visit this place called Auroville... supposedly, this place symbolises peace and tranquillity... but then... the height of irony... the place was designed by an architect named Roger Anger!!...

• It's kinda hard to believe, but the name 'Gaylord' has been picking up pretty fast here... you see Gaylord Travels, Gaylord Garments, Gaylord Restaurant, Gaylord Time House... don't these people see what the name implies??... or are they trying to prove a point?????...

• I've always felt girls, no matter how hot and popular they are, who call each other 'babe', 'darling', 'gurl', 'sweety' etc. amongst their little 'girl gangs' go right on top of my loser ratings... jeezzz!!!.... they just have no lives!!!... pathetic!

• I was at a pretty famous church in Kerala a month ago... the kinda place where everything is quiet, and you see old females sitting here and there, murmuring prayers to themselves... and then... this Swedish couple enter the church (Swedish because i couldn't understand a word they were saying to each other... not that i would have understood if they were talking in French or Slovakian... but i prefer to stick with Swedish)... and they go right under the Crucifix and stare at it like they were seeing one for the first time... and then... the female draws out a camera and clicks a pic with the guy posing under the Crucifix... she even clicked a pic of the signboard under the Crucifix that read, in bold letters, "PHOTOGRAPHY STRICTLY PROHIBITED"... they went around the entire church clicking pictures... during her photography spree, she passed my mom who was sitting at the other end of the church... my mom, who normally scorns at all injustices in society, managed to greet the female with a faint smile... think about it... an Indian couple entering a church in Europe and clicking pics... for sure there would be someone who'd come up, throw the camera out and say "Get ouda here!... Now!!!"... Indians... sheeesh!!!...

• Ever wondered why it is "Good heavens no!" and "Hell yeah!"....???

• In any part of India, when there is a very big crowd outside a particular shop, it simply means that there is a television in that shop which is telecasting a live cricket match played by the Indian team... however... in Kerala, if you see a very huge crowd outside a particular shop, it simply means that the shop is a liquor store...

• I have never understood the point in holding these cross-city marathons for world peace, or for the world's heart patients, or AIDS patients and crap like that... do they think Bin Laden's gonna see the marathon and think "Oh crap... i shud never have taken down the WTC... i give up terrorism... i quit!"...????

This ad for Hero Honda keeps coming up on television... if there is anything such as a born loser, it is certainly that guy!!... and if there is a second place for being a born loser, that would have to go to the female!!... first of all, the guy travels halfway across the city just to say goodnight to a female who wears a curtain for pyjamas... in spite of having traveled halfway across the city, just to say goodnight to that loser female, the female doesn't let the guy sleep over and sends him back... and if that weren't enough, the guy comes back all the way a second time to reply to her!!!... whatever happened to men with balls!!!... sigh...

      

Rain Rain Go Away...

Two trips in two consecutive months??!!!... that's definitely not my style!... but then... shocking truth is... i just got back from a trip to Chennai today... but why Chennai??? why do i keep going back to Chennai? is it because, even though i openly proclaim my hate for the city, somewhere deep down inside some part of me is still attached to the place?!... oh hell!... who am i kidding!... it's only because it is the more cheaper and more familiar option than B'lore or Hyd'bad... yep... that's it!... that's precisely the reason... though Chennai being cheap might come as a surprise to many, i know better... i survived there for four years... there were times when my expenses would go down to as low as Rs. 3 a day... imagine how pissed i was with the Indian government when, thanks to inflation, they increased the price of Tiger biscuits from Rs. 3 to Rs. 4!!... sometimes when i were broke i used to wonder, what if i continue spending just the 3 bucks on the Tiger biscuits everyday throughout the month?!... that would give me a whopping 98% savings!!.. hehe... it was my broke ass state that used to make me think that way... i'm not so miserly in real life lol!...


Anyways, this time round too, the same feeling was back... the same shitty, cloudy feeling... makes you conscious of the fact that either you are gonna step into a pool of shit in real life, or the imaginary cloud of shit above you is gonna rain shit all over you!... as soon as you get out of the railway station and get into the subway to cross the road, everything rushes in... darkness... poverty... dirt... stench... and everything else dreadable... and there is the bus ride home... if you happen to get into one of those green colored buses, then God save your mortal soul!!... the driver drives like as if he hates the damn bus and is trying to pull out the gear stick!... i have always hated the green buses... there used to be times when i used to wait for almost more than half an hour, just hoping that a deluxe bus would come by!!!...


I guess i have given a good enough preview of Chennai to those who haven't visited the place and are planning to visit soon!... bah... speaking of Chennai... CSK.... aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh.... the stupid Mumbai Indians team... though i do not wish to waste my time commenting on the stupid match, i most certainly wish to express my disappointment... God how i hate Dhoni!... then on top of it, he becomes captain of CSK... and if that weren't enough, they win the tournament... gah... i guess it was a clear case of match-fixing... i had always suspected something foul going on in the IPL... some team goes on a winning spree throughout the tournament, and then, suddenly in the end, out of nowhere, some crap team comes in and wins the tournament... such a waste of time...


Ah... monsoon's setting in... darkness is filling up my world... my depression levels shoot up at an alarming rate... the world grows colder and colder... I HATE RAINS!!!!!!!!!....




PS.: I'm just kidding people... Chennai is fun if it ain't for the heat... and the humidity... and the pollution... and the noise... and the dirt... and just a few more things...!!!!

Now Thissss.... Definitely A Must-Watch!!!!

Banking On Change
by Pilgrim Films