Hydey-Hydey-Ho!

Ok this post is special... very special in fact... first, because i'm returning to the blog after a very long time.. i guess this is the longest i've stayed away from the blog... me returning to the blog and making a resolution to post more frequently on every occasion reminds me of something else... the times when we used to come down from the 'Gelf'... every year we came down, the house here was in a mess.. cobwebs, broken furniture, plaster falling apart, signs of break-ins and more... and every time we clean up the mess and repair the house... by the time we're leaving, mom n dad make a resolution to take more care of the house and repair it more frequently... and yet, we come down the next year and it's the same story all over again! anyways, moving over to the second reason... this is the first time i'm going to visit hyderabad... and the third reason... this is the first time i'm blogging live... as and when things happen...

For starters, this is a thirty-hour journey... after an initial half hour confusion regarding the status of my ticket, i'm finally settled down... before boarding the train, i'd made the decision not to eat much until i reach hyd... but then, the craving for steaming vadas made me eat a crappy dosa and the soggy vada that came with it... so much for breakfast!... wonder what crap is in store for lunch...

Just woke up from an extended nap... (started off with a serving of bad news... a good friend's (from work) dad passed away...) i've been glancing at my watch every two minutes for the past 45 minutes... still about 24hours to go!!!... how do people survive for so long in a train??... ah i guess i'll know by the time i reach tomorrow... meanwhile, the girl sitting next to the window (no... she's not a Girl By The Window... yet) looks 'interesting' and 'not interested' at the same time... note the two usages of 'interest' used here...

Just entered Tamilnadu... i am forced to relive all the horrors of train journeys during college days... stinking beggars who keep touching you, half-naked kids, people eating pongal and sambhar endlessly... gahh... i hate this... i really hope i won't have to encounter a eunuch... it's the worst of all evils....

Darkness is setting in... i can still see we're stuck somewhere in tamilnadu from the vast stretches of barren land on both sides of the train, dotted with the occasional pink, green and yellow houses... i've embarrassed myself well enough so far with the zillion bangings of my head on the iron bar next to my head while asleep... i know that because every time my phone buzzes and my sleep is disturbed and i open my eyes, i see the people sitting around me staring at me with a sympathetic smile that reads "poor retarded you"...

Dinner time... everyone's proudly unpacking their newpaper-covered dinner... the excitement on their faces is similar to that of a five-year old unpacking his birthday present excited to see what's inside... hell i know what's going to be in their packages!!.. it's just a huge pile of rice and perhaps, some sambhar??...

Well... several 'dal vadas' and 'banana fries' later (i'd promised myself not to eat anything so that my tummy would hold up till i reach some accommodation in hyderabad with a decent toilet... but then, i'd ended up eating more 'dal vadas' and 'banana fries' than i would in a week!!!... talk about me and keeping promises!!), i have finally reached the place - HYDERABAD!!!...

For the past couple of minutes, i've been attempting to dodge auto drivers by pretending to be a very busy person waiting for a friend/driver to come and pick me up... the city is pretty much in between bengaluru and chennai, look-n-feel wise... i am walking out of the railway station and onto the telugu streets, still pretending to be a busy person... i am trying every person i know who has a connection with hyderabad, but the best response i've been able to gather so far is 'use Google Maps'!!!... so then, i continue walking down the streets till i reach a row of hotels, to my luck!!... and now, here i am... checked in to Hotel Meena Classic (is what i think the receptionist said the name was...)...

Moved into my room, watched tv for a while, and now back on the streets... just remembered i'd dropped my toothbrush on the train bathroom floor, and so, it was time to get a new one... i walk to the nearest auto driver and ask him if he knows where the nearest supermarket is... and he says 'no'!... ok... strange!!... i continue walking... and walking... oh did i forget to mention it was drizzling earlier??... well, it's pouring now!... i walk to the nearest Baskin Robbins and take shelter in front of it... the shopkeeper is outside too... just to make small conversation and to ensure that he doesn't drive me away, i ask him if he knows where the nearest supermarket is... and there he begins his detailed explanation of the route to a supermarket that is galaxies away... i hadn't realized supermarkets were so hard to find in hyderabad... maybe i should make use of Google Maps, like my friend suggested!!... my train of wandering thoughts is suddenly interrupted... not by the shopkeeper... but by an Assamese mom and her 3 kids... she just ran to the front of a shop, to take shelter, on the opposite side of the road... after she looks around for about five seconds, our eyes finally meet... and almost immediately, i know i'm in love... until an auto arrives, she gets in, and drives away... BAM!!!... that was just the opportunity to kickstart a 'worthwhile' life in hyderabad, and i'd just washed it away in the rain... sigh...

I pick up another auto and instruct him to go to the nearest supermarket... it takes us a good fifteen minutes to reach a damn supermarket!!... he offers to wait until i'm done with my shopping and take me back... i reluctantly agree (auto drivers are never upto any good... if they're being nice, it only means they've found means of making an extra buck, through you...)... i finish shopping and i get out and he's still there waiting for me in the heavy rain... i ask him to stop at a good biriyani place on the way... (hyderabadi biriyani is the ultimate stuff, according to my telugu roomies in college)...

I clearly remember ordering a single biriyani, but the parcel that has just arrived is good enough to feed two starving families in Bosnia!!... i politely ask the shop owner to give me a smaller pack (extra politeness because from what i've seen in movies, telugus aren't the kind you would want to mess with... they may just draw out their sword and slash you into pieces)... i finally get a 'mini' biriyani, which is still good enough to feed a single starving family in Bosnia!!... i decide not to ask them to make it smaller, and quietly walk out into the rain... i take the same auto back to my hotel room...

I just realized that the time is 6.30!!!... there's a long way to go in the evening... i decide to grab a beer from the nearest beverages store... 


Back in my room, i just caught a cold reception from the receptionist when i asked him for an opener... apparently, such a huge hotel does not have an opener!!!... i finally open my beer with a pair of scissors that i had brought down... my plan is to drink myself to sleep early, so that i'm fresh in the morning tomorrow...

And it's morrrrninnnngggg!!!... ahhhh... steaming hot water in the shower... awesome!!... ok ok... it's not as pleasant as I'm trying to make it sound... it was actually "FAAAAAA!!!!.... steaming hot water! WTF!!!"... yes i almost got scalded in the shower... anyways... it's time to check out... and get on with what i came here for...

300bux??!!!!... you've got to be kidding me!!... 300bux to get to where i want to go by auto!!... i bargain for about 15minutes and we finally settle for 200bux... i reach my place and what do i see??... hyderabad's F-Lounge is right next door!!... ssssweet!!!... i walk into my place at 10.20am...

7.30pm... i'm finally done with whatever i came for... exhausted i step out into the light drizzle... damn these auto guys... they're just impossible to deal with!... 350bux to get back home!!... no friggin way!!... i wait and i wait and i wait... till finally... 180bux... an auto guy offers to take me to my place for 180bux!!!... MORONNNN!!!... ha!... ahhh... but he doesn't seem like an idiot after all!!.. he takes in another family for 150bux, and reduces my fare to 150bux too!... all the more good for me!!... the 'family' consists of a woman and her two daughters... it's raining harder and it's getting even colder... the driver is stopping for some hot hyderabadi tea... as we sit sipping the piping hot tea in the auto, one of the daughters finally breaks the silence and decides to talk to me... and then she gets talking... and talking... about her engineering scores, her current training, her dream of moving to the US... she keeps talking and talking till i finally start pretending like i'm getting a lot of phone calls... the trio finally get down and i move into a hotel room... the second one in two days... after a rather heavy dinner (trust me, food in hyderabad is always way too much!!.. if you are ordering food for yourself, make sure you have two people with you to share it!!... i've been wasting a lot of food over the two days here...), i'm finally settling in to sleep... it's midnight already... nothing interesting on tv.....

Back in a train... the long journey back... my mind is so full of questions... will i???... won't i???... yet another seat next to the emergency window... (when i came to hyderabad too i was seated next to an emergency window) perhaps it's someone sending out a signal... gahhh... i hope there's no bomb on this train... if there is one, i might have to extend my leave at work... that wouldn't go down really well with the boss... i might lose the job... the trauma of the train blast and now the added trauma of losing my job would make me mentally retarded... and then my... wait a minute!!!... i'm already mentally retarded!!!... so what difference does this make??!!!... ok ok... i need to stop... my thoughts have gone far far away...

The train ride back looks like it's going to be a boring one... not that the train ride i took the day before was particularly interesting, but still... the grandpa at the other end of my seat is already sleeping... Dr. Raj Kumar i recall his name was from the reservation list... yes, just like any mallu of my age, i too have the habit of going through the entire reservation list to see if there's anyone in my vicinity of around my same age... great!!... this telugu couple with a baby just walked in... they're sitting next to me... a baby!!!... A STUPID BABY!!... this means i'll have to put up with the stupid baby's crying and the stupider parents antics till the idiots get down!!... ahhh my iPod!!.. always comes to my rescue... now i can't hear anything that the... no! no! wait! NOOOO!!!!!...great... the iPod's battery is dead!!... damn you Apple!...

It feels weird in a way that i'm seeing all the places that i saw two days ago back in reverse... most of the places are still fresh in my mind... the kid sittting in front of me won't stop talking... she has doubts about everything she sees outside... even after realizing that her mom is clueless about most things, she just won't give up!!... and yes... that stupid baby is still screaming her lungs out!... why? why? whyyyyyy?

It's 1.30... 24 hours more to go... why is everyone staring at the baby and commenting on everything she does??!!!... makes it look it is some endangered species that has been imported from Lithuania...

So now two of them are talking about their past visits to the US... i love the way the telugu guy pronounces Manhattan as 'Maan-hutton'... gawddd... indians!!!.. meanwhile, the stupid baby's stupid parents are trying to put it off to sleep... funny thing is they're singing "ooo-la-la ooo-la-la thu hai meri fantasy" and "kolaveri" to put it to sleep!... fathetic...

Religion, kids, temples, doctors, saris, illayaraja... the range of topics these 'intellectuals' discuss is endless!!!... every once in a while i'm dragged into the conversation, and then i pretend like i'm getting a text and i slowly drift away from the discussion...

Ok joke of the evening!!... this fat guy (who's part of the 'intellectual discussion') tells this female (who's also part of the 'intellectual discussion') that he'll show her something, gets up and bends down to reach into his bag... and what does he show her??... a full-blown view of his humongous ass!!!... i can't control my laughter... oh gawd... i'm going to burst.... somebody hold meeeeee!!!!.....

I just noticed that the female sitting in front of me looks like a crow from the side!!!...

The sad part about traveling in air-conditioned compartments in trains: no open windows through which you can throw your garbage out (yeah c'mon, i'm an indian too!!)... the good part: good food - even the veg food has paneer in it!!!...

Great!!!... it's time for bed and the stupid baby has puked all over the place!!!... the dad is now cleaning up the entire place with the bedsheets that were supposed to be slept on... and while he's at it, he's also giving us a generous view of his humongous ass!!...

Aaahhhh anyways... i'm done for the night... yet another night of the hyderabad episode... i'm all tucked away into the lower berth... ahhh lower berth after so many years... i remember the last time i got the lower berth was back in my third year of college, when i secretly watched my batchmate getting 'molested' in the dark till cops came in and threw the molester guy out!!...

It's morning!!!... in just a few more hours i'm going to reach cochin!!... all the noisemakers who were sitting around me have left, which has come across as a huge relief... the picturesque view rushing past my window makes me feel thoroughly welcome to God's own country (yeah, God alone knows what lies in wait for me in this country place!!)...

I guess i'm done with all the shockers for this trip... just this last one... the guy sitting next to me, a 25-year old MBBS student, his laptop's touchpad ain't working... he looks up at me and asks, "dude, do you know what the shortcut for closing a window is?"...

Bahhh... these specimens will never cease to amaze me... anyways i'm over and out... i'm only minutes away from my destination... updates on the outcome of my hyderabad trip will be posted soon... that is, IF the outcome is in my favor... ;)... ciao!


PS: Thanks to Evernote for making this post a success!... guys with a good Android phone should try it out!


PPS: Pls forgive any typos you may find in this post, i'd typed the whole thing on my phone... not an easy job to do... and pls don't try informing me about any typos either... honestly speaking, i don't care!

Hangover Part III

I'm back people!!!... after a long hiatus, I am back!!!... it does look like I may have lost whatever few readers I had, but still, it feels good to be back... and after recovering from a deadly hangover, it definitely feels good to have got back (to my senses!!)...

Speaking of which, last Wednesday, was the day I decided to relive my days of youth... and Thursday, was the day I decided I should never ever take such a stupid decision in my life again... it was after the house-warming (my colleagues'), that we went around the entire city, first for a smoke, then for black tea, for black tea again, then for a smoke, then to get some molaga bhaji (that's something made of chili...), then to drop a friend home, and then get back home... in all, it was six hours of driving around in the rain, 'swimming' on the highway (!!!), black tea and bhaji searching... I'm not going into the details here, since I have no intention of making myself look like an idiot!!... anyways, that's the story of the 'Wolfpack'...

And oh yes... since I was away from here, I guess I hadn't mentioned about the brand new ride... yes!!... the Chevrolet Beat is in my garage... so that is kinda cool... I haven't managed to get a pic of the car yet... the only one I have is the one that my colleague clicked... here it is, if it makes any sense to you people!!....

I totally like the new mobile template for blogger... looks good... 

Weird Musings...

I was taking this horrendously stupid long walk across the city (yeah, I mean it! ACROSS THE CITY!) today, and that gave me ample time to come up with tons of crappy ideas... here's one of them, which was not really worth sharing, but definitely worth recording (according to me)... and so, what better place than here!!!!.... ok here goes...

'To start with... I should meet a girl this year on the 18th of December... on my birthday... and as luck would have it, her birthday would be on the same day too!!!... we mess around (not to be confused with 'mess up'!) for five years and BAM!... we get married on 18th December, 2016... and then, on December 18th, 2020, we get kids... twins!!!... so if we were to calculate, on December 18th, 2020, I would be celebrating my 33rd birthday, my wife's 33rd birthday as well, the ninth anniversary of the day we first met, the fourth wedding anniversary, and the birth of the kids... not one, but twins!!!...'

Ok yeah... the idea of having twins was stupid and pointless... moreover, the world's gonna end next year, so what's the point!... maybe I need to go to sleep!... thank you for wasting your time!!!... yet again!!!!....

Girl By The Window

A tattered and torn Good News scripture she held
a subtle smile for the biggest jokes the priest cracked
so near yet so far
I never believed a woman could be so perfectly packed


Right from day 1, I knew she were different
one of those species who'd landed from the 'Gelf'
day 2, day 3, days kept passing by
'Tomorrow's the day' I kept telling myself


Alas, I lost count of the days gone by
it was getting weirder and weirder
till finally the day came when I had to say g'bye
n' I said to myself, 'I still didn't meet her'


Just as I headed for the door
I happened to notice a glance
too late i noticed it was
I should have made good when I still had the chance


'N now, we're two worlds apart
don't know whether I'm gonna see her again
so near yet so far
the only satisfaction is that I'm filled with no pain

Freedom-di-di-dumb

Gabbar used to be a resident of Unfree Village... now, the specialty of Unfree Village was that job opportunities was zilch... so every man was a thief... small boys were trained to become professional thieves when they grew up... getting caught and going to prison was part of the job nature...

And Gabbar got caught too... he was placed in a tiny prison cell - barely enough place for a bed, a table and a commode... but life was kinda good... the food was excellent - he didn't have to steal to earn it... however, two years later, the prison management changed hands... the new management wanted to give the inmates more 'freedom'... so they shifted all of them to new cells... these cells were much bigger than the previous ones... but, there was no bed, no commode, and no good food... the inmates had to sleep on the floor, they could shit and piss anywhere they liked in the cell, and the only food they got was the remains of what the prison officials had eaten...

And the new management called this 'freedom'... some people liked it because they were allowed to do whatever they liked as long as they remained in their cells, while others despised it because life had become a ball of crap, and the new management was simply terrible at management...

This... is independence in India... Happy Independence Day to all fellow Indians!!...

What are we really independent from??!!... God alone knows... at least if the Brits were still here, we would have had more Pizza Huts, McDonalds' and KFC's everywhere!!... and we would have had Brit gurls in college!... that way we wouldn't have to put up with the attitudes of the plain-looking local girls!!...

Anyways, that reminds me, i was at Chicking yesterday... yes... i keep going back to these places inspite of them having fooled me a zillion times... i guess i simply have no other choice!!... i was going through the menu, and suddenly i came across this offer... yeah... yet another offer!!!... this time it was called the 'NRI Fest'... i didn't really get the whole idea behind the thing... there's this regular chicken bucket that costs around 400 bucks normally... in the 'NRI Fest' package, all they did was throw in a box of fries and a PET Coke, with the chicken bucket, and lo!... it's 750 bucks!!!... either they think NRI's are dumb (which seems like the more likelier case), or they think all NRI's own Cadillacs, and three-storeyed houses with jacuzzis and a separate room for the home theatre, and a couple of poodles!!...

Phew... Onam's just a week away!!... (wooo!... time's surely passing real fast... i still remember last year's sadhya)... sometimes i wonder whether Mahabalipuram was named after Mahabali... hmmm... nahhhh.... that couldn't be... the tamils would never be so generous enough to name a whole place after a non-tamil... that too, a MALLU!!!!!!!!... oh these tamils!... they surely do have the knack of making a mallu feel out of place... sigh... the woes of a mallu should-have-been-engineer-but-became-writer-thanks-to-a-wicked-twist-of-destiny...

Speaking of 'should-have-been-an-engineer', there was this time when the TV at home began making weird noises at the back, but the picture was just fine... my mom kept pestering me to check what was wrong... i asked her to wait till the picture went out... the pestering grew even more pestering, till i finally got up to check what was wrong... but at the back of the TV, there was this sign that read "This cover should be removed by experienced professionals only"... since i wasn't experienced or professional, i went back to my seat... my mom got utterly butterly pissed off and screamed, "What kind of an engineer are you? Simply wasting 4 years!"... come to think about it, why this injustice only towards engineers??... by the time we complete 4 years of engineering, we're supposed to know how to repair a television, a car, the local substation, a space craft, a time machine, and a satellite flying in space!... why is it that people don't ask a medical grad to perform a heart surgery or a liver transplant at home???... why only us?????...

(Ok, i guess i'm getting addicted to Facebook as well... almost every second post in this blog has something about Facebook!) There's this recent annoying habit few of my friends have gotten into... they blog about some crap (called 'Notes' in FB lingo) and then they go about tagging each and every one in their friends list to the blog... and then, idiots like me go through the entire crap, hoping to find our names mentioned somewhere in the blog... very clever!... that's made all the idiots in their friends list go through the entire nonsense they've written... wish these 'clever' people would use their brains for the development of the country!!... now that it's independence day...

I can't wait for BSNL to launch their 3G and 4G services... as Deepika Padukone says, i'm expecting it to improve my life and make it more exciting!!... ah... life's really gonna turn exciting when i turn 30... i've promised four friends that i'll be going on an all-India roadtrip with them (individually!) as soon as i turn 30... haha!!... should be fun... as long as the world doesn't end by 2012!!!...

PS: i hate the fact that Blogger doesn't have the autocorrect feature...

ciao!

The Walk That Went Wrong

ha! i was debating with myself whether i should name this post "the walk that went TERRIBLY wrong"!!!!!..... anyways i decided that then the title would be too long, and you people'd fall asleep before you even start reading the post!!!... k... enough for the intro!!!....
this was way back in third year.... when i was staying in thiruvanmiyur in chennai.... in the house whose landlord had committed suicide..... it was holiday time.... since my roomies had gone home, i was alone in the house.... (with the owner too.... i said i was alone, 'cos firstly, i don't count that guy as a human being... of course he's not a human being now... he's dead!!!!.... but even before he died, i'd never counted him as one!!!... and the second reason is 'cos i didn't want to say i was alone with the owner 'cos then, you weird people'd start using your weird brains and start coming up with weird ideas... maybe something on the homosexual side!!!... :p).... anyways.... the basic idea is that i was alone at that time and i called my friend ajo over for company.... (the good thing about ajo is that, after me, he's the second most jobless guy around!).... and whenever i meet this guy, superchargers are always present.... and that night too there was supercharging.... now, my house at that time was just in front of the beach... so all you had to do was get out of my building, walk around it to the back.... (oh and don't forget to watch out for the birds above you on the trees!!!!.... they're beautiful to look at... and even more beautiful when they shit on your head!!!.... VG'd got bird shit on her frankie once.... and she accidentally took a bite of it too!!!!..... belch!!!....)... yeah you walk to the back and bingo! you're at the beach!!!!.... so late night, after getting "whizzed", we decided it was time to hit the beach.... (now before you read on.... a word of caution.... i'm terrible with directions.... when i shift houses, i usually take more than a week to figure out the directions to my house....)..... the beach was cool... nice breeze.... it was around half past three by then.... suddenly the bulb above my head brightens and i come up with a brilliant idea.... i suggested we should go to the malbari tea shop and have a lime juice!!!.... now the malbari tea shop is right next to my friend's place, which is a 10min walk away if you take the main road.... my second brilliant suggestion was that we should walk along the beach.... and so it was.... we started walking.... we walked.... and we walked.... and we kept walking.... we saw a lot of things on our way.... fishermen pulling their boats in.... guys shitting on the beach and washing their derriers in the water (in which, the next day, people happily go and wet their feet!!!!....).... we tried to look around for turtles but didn't find any.... we kept walking.... the last thing we saw was a Barista cafe.... now... i didn't remember any Barista cafes in thiruvanmiyur!!!!..... i tried to think harder.... and then i saw the familiar long stretch of the parking lot.... and then!!!!.... then it struck me!!!!.... we'd reached Besant Nagar!!!!.... i looked at my watch... we'd been walking fer the past one n a half hr!!!!.... all i said to ajo was "dude i think we passed the juice shop... and now i think we're in Besant Nagar".... and all he could afford to say was "WHAT THA !@#$????!!!!!!"..... since it was early in the morning, there was no transport on the road yet.... we had no choice but to walk back all the way back to my house!!!!.... i don't even remember whether i woke up the next day!!!!!....

DON - Still Being Chased

it was one of those weekends when ajo and me were totally jobless... we're always jobless!!!...
whenever the rest of the gang is not there, all we do is sit at some place, maybe get an ice cream and imagine weird stuff!!!...
this one is particularly worth mentioning...
we imagined ourselves to be the next Dons of Chennai...
we wanted it to be somewhat like a mixture of Don Corleone's attitude and Billa's style.... hmmmm... now that's whack!!!!... we would go around in a black coloured Scorpio (India's most stylish SUV, according to me) with two black Scorpios on either side of our Scorpio...
we would smoke only the best Cuban cigars... there would be loads of Russian girls at our disposal... as we walk on the streets, our sidekicks would carry disc players with loudspeakers and would walk along with us... the disc players would be continuously playing Billa theme music...
and then one day, while walkin on the streets, a sniper from our rival gangster organisation would shoot us down... (k... this wasn't part of the original plan... i jus wanted to give this post a happy ending!!!....)