~It's that time of the year again!!!... the only time when mallus feel more important than the Rest of India!!... it's Onam, baby!!!!... Onam Ashamsakal to all mallus around the world.... it's the time for mundus, white sarees, mallipoos, delicious sadhya (for those non-mallus who don't know what sadhya is, it's not the name of some girl!!!!... [hmmmm.... if it were so, "delicious sadhya" would have been much more interesting!!...], sadhya is malayalam for the "feast" they serve during Onam).... wait a minute! did i just say "delicious" sadhya??!!!... trust me, it is far from delicious!!!.... rice (belch! i hate rice!), sambhar, rasam, hundreds of pickles (well.... not exactly 'hundreds'!!!...) with some more garbage.... EEEWWWWW!!!!.... half reminds me of the horrors of life in Tamilnadu!!!.... the only thing missing, however, is a dosa!!!... lol!!!... why can't all festivals be like Christmas, where wine, chicken and glamour make up the entire festival??!!!.... sigh.... the woes of a Christian mallu!!!.... (oh by the way, in case you can't find me in the pic, the guy who looks aged and bored on the extreme left.... that's me)
~I've been conducting an intense survey of Indian culture, and i've come to the conclusion that mallus are the most culturally open people in India!!... you take any show, be it reality or live, at least 90% of the songs sung or danced to are either hindi, english or tamil!!!... now, like all indians, even mallus have the habit of planting a huge box speaker right outside your door and blasting your ears during festivals... ok, now the bomb!!... this time around, guess whose songs were playing for Onam.... none other than the legendary Daddy Yankee!!!!... (haha!!!... i must be the only guy so far to have called the guy a legend!!!...) let me remind you that these people who are in charge of blasting your ears do not exactly form the middle or the upper echelons of society... hmmm.... DY seems to be making waves in rural India!!!... lol!!!...
~Ok... let's have some fun with words... hmmmm.... let's start with FUNERAL... rearrange the letters and what do you get???.... REAL FUN!!!.... and what does that imply???... Funerals can be loads of fun, or, it could also mean that having real fun could end up in your funeral!!!!....
~Indians are the most suspicious people in the world... they don't even trust their car keys!!!!.... they walk a few yards away from the car (like as if expecting the car to blast in flames when the lock button is pressed), lock their cars using the remote and then walk back to the car and go around all the four doors making sure all the doors are really locked!!!.... i don't really get the point of having a remote key then!!!!....
~Gone are those days when Super Glue used to be the unrivalled champ when it came to fixing broken stuff.... the other day, something broke in my house and i had to rush to the supermarket to get some glue.... my head began spinning when i saw the number of choices!!!.... there was Mr. Fix, Ms. Fix, Quick Fix, Ultra Fix, Magic Fix..... i closed my eyes, quickly grabbed Ms. Fix and ran out of the place....
~Why do almost all music records come with a bonus track???!!!!.... why can't they just include the "bonus track" as a normal last track????.... why the bonus????.... what good deed did we mortals do, to deserve such a huge bonus???!!!!...
~There's this new facewash ad in which a female (must admit that she's pretty!!!!) keeps throwing coloured water onto the screen.... perhaps they thought that we'd duck thinking that the coloured water is going to come right through the screen and splash onto our faces!!!... Idiots!!!... they have no idea how intelligent we are!!!.... anyways.... what's weird about the ad is that the soundtrack goes like this: if you think i'm fresh, i'm fresher than you think!!!!... uhmmmm..... doesn't that mean that the female is very fresh, but after using the facewash, she doesn't look as fresh as she actually is????!!!!!
~Suffering from lack of concentration???.... what are you waiting for???.... here's the ultimate remedy.... listen to Xzibit's Concentrate, and watch all your concentration troubles vanish!!!....
~Ever wondered why we don't have coke-vending machines in India???... it's because the primary requisite for the CVM is a crisp and clean currency note!!!.... so, obviously, how would it work out when more than 80% of the currency notes currently in circulation in India closely resemble soiled underwear??!!!!... perhaps a good idea would be to introduce CVMs that use coins instead of notes.... that would also help in eradicating poverty in India!!!... wondering how???.... since it uses coins, beggars would take out couple of coins from their daily collection and get themselves a can of coke... this way, together with the garbage they eat, the combination provides the ultimate unbalanced diet!!!.... thus, eventually, the beggars start dying and lo!... no more poverty in India!!!!...
~I've been watching a lot of CSI lately... kinda love the way they say "DB" for a dead body... makes dead bodies sound really cool and complicated....
Oh... and by the way, i've been seriously considering spending my retired life in Miami instead of the Bahamas (thanks to CSI!!)... atleast i'll have a hot coroner examining me in case i get murdered!!!!....
But the problem is the damn attire.... just every damn person walks around in white clothes... white shoes, white pants, white shirts, white caps.... so damn blinding.... even the polished and shiny black niggers (somewhat like the singer Akon) wear white!!!.... it's always either a plain white shirt or a white shirt with big orange or blue flowers on it!!!... that sucks!!!... i always wanted to walk around in a lungi and a vest when i get old!!!.... it's much more easier to take off a lungi, in cases of sheer emergencies, than the traditional unbuttoning, unzipping and pulling down!!!....
~ok... i know this may come as a shock to many, but i still gotta tell you... i've been going through couple of CAT papers lately.... and.... yeah... i'm giving CAT this year!!!!.... my fortune tells me that something unexpected is going to happen to me towards the end of this year, and that it's going to change my life forever!!!!... so i'm expecting to murder the CAT this year!!!.... lol!!... ok here's a question from one of the CAT papers.... now remember.... the question is exactly word-to-word and i'm not making it up!!!....
Ms. Rima leaves a station at 5pm and goes south on the highway at an average speed of 50kmph. Mr. Tony, her lover, leaves the same station at 5.30pm and chases her at an average speed of 60kmph. Mr. Tony will
a>overtake his sweetheart at 7.30pm
b>overtake his sweetheart at 8pm
c>be 25km behind his sweetheart at 5.50pm
d>catch up with his sweetheart at 7.45pm
now.... doesn't something seem oddly out of place here????..... (for those jerks who're actually working out the question, the answer is (b) )
~couple of days back, i happened to watch "Tamil's first superhero movie"... ha!... i must admit that it was insanely superheroic of me to have wasted 40bucks and 2.5 precious hours of my life!!!.... honestly speaking, it was Shreya Saran's hot hairdo that pulled me towards the movie (everything else repelled me!).... ok, SS did do her part of 'heating up' the movie, but then.... there it was!!!!.... back again!!!..... her stupid belly dancing!!!!... why does she belly-dance in each and every movie???!!!!.... it's making me sick in the stomach!!!!.... ah... guess we can do nothing about it!!!.... anyways... the movie was about a CBI officer who doubles as a superhero in a cock's (i mean the rooster!!!!.... no pun intended!!!....) costume... all i can say is, you really have to be a superhero to sit through the whole thing!!!.... oh.... not to forget.... the name of the movie..... KANDASAMY..........
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