Friday, January 29, 2010


Here are some smart one-liners that i thought were worth sharing with you people!!!.... (i didn't bother to remove the ones that aren't any worth though!)

1) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.

2) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

3) Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? Spent telling them to shut up and sit down.

4) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

5) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

6) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

7) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

8) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

9) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

10) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

11) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

12) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

13) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.

14) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left

16) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

18) Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19) I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

20) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Some people cause happiness wherever they go Others cause happiness .. whenever they go.

22) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

23) The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

4) Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


It's 2010!!!... ten years past the Y2K... ten more years for 2020... what's so cool about 2020??... who knows??!!... and more importantly, who cares??!!!...

It's Republic Day today!!... ah... what do i say about Republic Day?!... only vague memories... memories of baluchi kids sitting on our school's boundary wall, eating Oman Chips, while our flag was being hoisted (sorry Latch! i had to borrow your line! :D )... ha!... Oman Chips... why on earth did they name the chips after the country??!!!... come to think about it, it's one of the worst chips available!!... hell it didn't even have a tazo free with it! (k, don't ask what a tazo is! i took half an hour trying to recollect what it was called, and finally i had to consult with Nandu to get it right! of course, Nandu was busy doing 'something else', so he couldn't be of much help either!)... sigh... how i miss Salad Chips... and Sohar Chips... and the Cuttlefish Crackers we used to get only in Carrefour... SIGGGHHHhhhhhh.... aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh... Cochin's become one big "mosquito resort"!!... there're are mosquitoes just everywhere... under the bed, over the bed, under the sheets, in your clothes... just everywhere! gone are those days when the Goodnight or Mortein plug-in mosquito repellants used to jump up and down and 'eat' mosquitoes from all over the place... they've just become a waste of electricity!... but instead, the coils have arrived!!!... all it takes is a burning matchstick, and BAM!... no more mosquitoes!!... the fumes are so powerful, if you take a strong whiff off it, you are most likely to be the 'next one on its list'!!... ah mosquitoes... why am i even talking about them???!!!...

Ever wondered why we have those 'agreements' before we install a software or a game??... they give that long statement which will, under normal circumstances, take days to finish reading, and at the end, they want you to agree to the whole thing! they know it... we know it... no one ever reads it!!!... so why even waste that much of space displaying the agreement???... you can't proceed anyways, if you don't agree to it!!... so it's like putting an imaginary gun to your head and asking you to agree to it!!... now my point is... i could develop a software, or a game... and then, as usual, at the time of installation, i'd display the entire 'agreement'... however, somewhere in between, say around the 198th line, i'd include a line saying "By agreeing to this document, I (ie. the user) agree to write-off all my belongings (absolutely everything, except the living things) to RJR... and by doing so, i also agree that i am a big moron!!"... can you imagine how rich i can get, and how many morons there are going to be??!!!... no one's even gonna read the damn thing, but they're still gonna 'agree' to it!!!...

Watched 'The Hills Have Eyes'??... the title does seem pretty interesting, but the movie... oh gawd!!... miserable!!!... how many movies are they going to make of the same type???... a bunch of happy people, or a happy family (usually consisting of a sexually excited couple, who manages to sneak in an 'opportunity' just out of nowhere, a hyper-active male kid, a totally uninterested female teenager who thinks her parents are morons) travel along an isolated road, and finally the car breaks down, just when they are miles away from humanity... and then they're attacked by zombies, or zombie-like people... HOW MANY???!!!!... how many more to come???... are they trying to give us a warning or something???... like "never take the highway! you could be attacked by a zombie!".... DUH!!!!...

Ah... i just got back from a movie today... i'd rather not talk about the movie... crap it was!... but the interesting part was, the movie started at 11.15am, and i was asleep at home at 11am!... now, considering the fact that my watch is almost 15mins fast, i was still in the safe zone... so technically, i was late, but not alarmingly late!... but then, it happened... my watch betrayed me... ever wondered how your watch is fifteen mins fast when you're writing an exam, or doing the right thing, on the right time, but shows the right time when you're running late? YES!!!... that's my watch for you!!... Sly Fella'! (yeah i picked up the Yankee accent from Facebook, thanks to a couple of my immigrant friends!)

Sigh... how i wish i could get back to Besi sometime... and visit Cake Walk... or maybe get myself a sundal from the beach! Belch! i used to hate the very look of that thing! only once, just once, under certain dire circumstances, i was 'forcefully' made to eat a whole cone of it!!... ah that reminds me... there was this one time, VG and me were on the beach... and this kid selling sundal came over to us... after we denied the sundals a zillion times, the kid planted two cones in front of us, picked up VG's floaters and screamed at us the tamil equivalent of "you better pay for the sundals you @!$*&%$#@$" (i'd rather not translate the curse word... some tamil curses, when literally translated, can be really really bad!!)... i was totally left clueless... but then, VG, who is normally dumb under any circumstance, came up with a brilliant idea, and whispered it into my ear... i stood up, picked up my phone, fake-dialled a number, and spoke, "Saar, i totally hate sundals... i would never ever have a sundal... ok, i think it's going to rain! i gotta go! wogay! bye!"... the kid, on hearing 'saar' and the couple of 'sundals', dropped VG's floaters and ran away... so that day, VG's stupid idea saved us!!!... bah...