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it was one of those days.... one of those very rare days... i had the television remote in my hands for a full 2-3hrs!!!.... my mom had an emergency committee meeting downstairs and in the hurry she forgot to take the remote along... (God!!... these people have these secret meetings like as if they're running a country or something!!!...).... ok, i was just kidding... she doesn't carry the remote with her when she goes out, but i can definitely tell you that she's deeply attached to the remote!!... anyways, i was flipping through the channels... and there was this feature on NDTV about the IIFA awards... since there was nothing else 'watchable', i decided to stick to it... to start with (call me dumb or ignorant or whatever you want), i don't know the expansion of IIFA... i'm guessing one of the I's stand for Indian and the 'F' stands for Film... anyways, this year's IIFA was in Macau.... hmmm.... i've read about Macau in one of those Jason Bourne series... think it's a beautiful place.... oh!!!... can you believe this??.... i haven't watched Bourne Identity!!!!.... i've watched Bourne Ultimatum though.. it's always happened to me... most of the times, i end up watching the sequel before the original.... Terminator-2, M:I-2, Transporter-3, Ocean's Twelve... the list is endless... ok, back to Macau... more than the show itself, NDTV was focussing more on the backstage antics of the stars... which i found very annoying.... bollywood (or Indian cinema, for that matter) has never dazzled me enough.... i can't stand the Bachchans, or Khans or whoever's left in the industry... after a painful 80% of the show, the stage shows were finally being shown... and yesss!!!!!..... my fav!!!!.... at any bolly stage show, the only item i look forward to is Malaika Arora's item number!!!.... such a graceful lady, she's an epitome of the traditional Indian woman/mother.... hmmmm.... there was a four-letter acronym for a "graceful mother".... not able to recall it now though... anyways the show went on and on and on till i began wishing it would end... and then it happened!!!!.... something caught my eyes... and ears!!!!.... the latest buzz to do the rounds in tinseltown is that one of the bolly actors resembles Jesus Christ!!!.... and guess who the lucky man is... i'll give you a clue... the guy has got more than ten fingers... ha!... talk about the second coming of Christ!!!... i never thought he'd be dancing like a retard singing Koi Mil Gaya!!!!.... certainly, The Gods Must Be Crazy!!!!....
i had had enough of Macau... i flipped the channel and what do i see??... another sign of development in Pakistan!!!..... as an Indian, i'm pretty much proud that our neighbouring country is developing at such a fast pace... every weekend, a couple of patriotic Pakis join hands and blow up old buildings, so that they can use the land.... for agriculture perhaps... (k i hope no Paki is readin this!!!.... i can barely imagine my apartment getting blown into pieces!!!.... in case you do wanna blow up my building, mine is the third building on your right on MG Road, Ethiopia)... oh... speaking of Pakis, i was watching this cricket match between some country and Pakistan.... and there was this instance when the television camera was angled directly behind a Paki player's back... the player's name was Salman Butt... so guess what name was written on the player's shirt.... oh gawd!!!!..... i found it so damn hilarious!!!.... i burst out laughing!!!!... the ROTFL kinda laughter!!!!.....
ok... back to the television... i was already into the wee hours and still flipping channels.... guess i was taking maximum advantage of the control over the remote... it was then that i came across this new show on AXN... ok i don't know whether the show is actually a new show, but i called it a new show 'cause i was seeing it for the first time.... it's called Scare Tactics.... k a word about the host.... now this guy thinks he's James Bond or one of those superheroes (when in reality he reminds me of the retarded butler with those weird slimey fingers in one of those Scary Movies), and he presents the show as if he's introducing some scientific innovation, that he's invented, and can change the world's future!!!... let me tell you, the show is absolute bullcrap... what the show is all about is that, an accomplice (another retard) tries to scare the shit out of his/her friend (the biggest retard).... no wonder the show's got such an eerie time slot on AXN!!!.... only zombies would be awake and watching the show at such unearthly hours of the night!!!... (ok... so who's the zombie now!!!...) the whole thing is so amateurish... first of all, the "hidden" camera is so damn obviously "unhidden"!!.... the acting of the people around the victim is so pathetic that they'd fail an audition for a cheap american porno muvie!!!!.... and then after a lot of fake screams and tears, when the magic line 'you're on Scare Tactics' is rolled out, the victim goes "oh my God! that was sooooo scary" or "my heart's pounding! here... can you hear it??? that was the scariest thing in my life!!!!".... they try their best to make themselves look like a wussy and they very well succeed in doing so!!!.... how i wish the show's name was 'Bullshit Tactics'.... and the host got beaten up like the 'You Got Punk'd' guy in The Epic Movie.... i admire Kal Penn for the thrashings he gave the guy!!!....
ah... as i wrap up, i can hear Cold's Stupid Girl playing in the background... i kinda love the song.. sometimes it reminds me of a particular stupid girl i used to know till couple of months back.... ha!!!....
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